There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
