dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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