I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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