I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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