I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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