Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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