the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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