Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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