im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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