The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
