I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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