Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
