everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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