either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
