He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
