i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
