Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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