God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
