i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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