the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
