In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
