I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
