I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The Olympian is in my bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
