I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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