I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
