Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
