Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
