the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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