If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
