So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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