I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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