Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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