Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
