Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
