Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
