all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
