I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're a waste of cheezeits
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
