she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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