I looked at my own cervix.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
