he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
