OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
