Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
