just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
