I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
