It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
