My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
