he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
