dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
