This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
