She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
