Nicole vs. Life
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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