i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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