if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
