He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
