He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
