There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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