Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize