Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
