I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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