I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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