im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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