You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize