Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
