paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
