just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
