I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
