How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
