i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize