I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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