my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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