i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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