once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
