All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even my farts smell like vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
