I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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