You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
