i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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