I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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