i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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