So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
