it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
