at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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