my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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